Strange Historical Inventions People Once Thought Were A Bright Idea

Today when you're sick in bed, you might pull out a laptop and blow through a few seasons of a TV show on Netflix; in 1935 you pulled out your bed piano and knocked out a few afternoon symphonies.

Nowadays, our smartphones can give us access to an unfathomable amount of audio content as we’re walking around with our earphones in. But back in the day, it wasn’t so simple. The Man-from-Mars Radio Hat, though, was an attempt by Victor T. Hoeflinch to give people of the late ’40s and early ’50s the chance to listen to the radio as they wandered around.

No, this is not a medieval torture device! As it happens, in the ’30s, a smile meant absolutely nothing without a set of dimples to go with it. But the dimple-less were not without hope: the Dimple Maker could force dimples onto their smiles by digging into their cheekbones!

Back in 1962, a Finnish inventor realized that being unable to step into a sauna wherever he went was comparable to actual torture. Undeterred from his steam-filled ambitions, he created the portable sauna. That way, just about anyone could live every moment in hot, steamy bliss.

Tennis courts, swimming pools, and beaches of the 1940s offered vending machines that dispensed little globs of sunscreen right into your hands. As weird as it might sound, variations on the original are still in operation today.

The inventor of these masks wanted to protect the wearers' faces from things like hail and rain. Somehow, getting pelted with rain was a big enough problem that he couldn't just, you know, tilt his head down like... three inches!

In 1913, Charles A. Nordling understood the idea that people will look for literally any excuse possible not to walk! His answer came in the form of creating the pedal skates. A bit cumbersome — sure! But unlike many other items on this list, they nobly served their purpose for a while.

Because smoking one cigarette at a time was totally inefficient (and totally lame by 1950s standards), this 1955 invention allowed smokers to stop dreaming about chain-smoking an entire pack and start doing it. Yup, this novelty gadget was expressly designed for this purpose.

What's better than four wheels? Why, 12, of course! Invented in 1936, this English automobile ascended and descended slopes as steep as 65 degrees with ease. And all while making the rider look super fly in their 12-wheel wagon.

With six flotation devices, the cyclomer — also called "The Amphibious Bike" — was designed to function on land and in water. In practice, it was clunky on dry land, borderline deadly in the water, and no one liked it much. Even so, the adaptable bicycle still gets to hold the title of the first of its kind.

So the cyclomer didn't catch on, but that wasn't the end of all bike-alteration efforts. The Goofybike — seen in Chicago in 1939 — sat four people, one of whom worked a sewing machine that kept the bike's weight evenly distributed.

To reduce fatalities, inventors drummed up a shield reminiscent of a train's cowcatcher to slap on the front of automobiles. It doesn't look like a much better alternative to the front of a car, but the thought was there! Similar inventions included The Safety Scoop, designed in the North of England.

With newspapers already starting to be seen as outdated, the experimental method of news delivery was a big deal in the 1930s and 40s. So, in an attempt to roll with the times and capitalize on the more popular — and 'modern' — radio, the Faxpaper was born.

Meet the shower cap's superior: the shower hood. Marketed as a way to keep your makeup intact, the shower hood prevented water from hitting your hair or face. This kind of defeats the purpose of taking a shower altogether.

Today, naming your device "The Baby Dangler" would make your peers mock you at best and land you in prison at worst. But back in the day, it was the perfect name for a device that strung up a baby between mom and dad.

The lawn's not going to mow itself, so why not invent a small mower operated with a remote control? Developed in the 1950s — and later celebrated by British royalty — the device survived time and still exists today!

These barrel-like suits were invented in 1929 and allegedly acted like flotation devices for swimming. Wood does float, after all. But they sure must have been restrictive — not exactly ideal when it comes to a sport that requires moving all of your limbs at once! 

They’re called sea-shoes but inventor M. W. Hulton is actually showing off his handiwork on an inland waterway in 1962 — England’s Grand Union Canal. It runs for 137 miles northwards from London to the Midlands city of Birmingham.

These two demure-looking young women probably wouldn’t attract more than a conventionally admiring comment. Except for their shoes. Kangru-Spring-Shus to be precise. To be honest, they look like a certain recipe for broken ankles to us.

This idiosyncratic contrivance can just about be classed as a motorcycle although it’s actually called a Motorwheel. Certainly, it’s a motorbike like none we’ve ever seen before, operating on a metal rail set inside a tire.

Wacky weight-loss gadgets are still with us today, but this one dates from the early 20th century. Gripped in the gadget’s embrace is movie actress Raquel Torres, who doesn’t look to us as if she especially needs to shed any pounds.

This nightmarish face mask was introduced in 1999, and it was aimed at people hoping to tone their facial muscles. The fact that it looked so freaky when people put it on is bad enough; it was, reportedly, also incredibly painful. One person who tried it once supposedly claimed it felt like “a thousand ants are biting my face.”

Have you ever taken a sip of an energy drink and thought to yourself, "Hmm, this needs a little something extra — maybe a little radium?" No, of course you haven’t. That would be crazy. And yet, in 1918 a "medicinal" drink called RadiThor was on the market, and it really did contain the chemical element.

It's hard to imagine a world where laying out to catch a tan didn't exist, but before 1923, bronzing your skin for aesthetic reasons wasn't a thing. And who do we have to thank for the invention of bronzing in the name of beauty? None other than the queen of fashion — Coco Chanel.

Of course, we’ve had plenty of experience with mask-wearing in recent times. But not like this. Pictured is one Hugo Gernsbach, who wears an ominous-looking contraption he invented himself. His headgear wasn’t designed to combat infection, though.

It just seems utterly amazing that the Purves Dynasphere, seen here in 1932, never caught on as a form of mass transport. It was developed by Dr. John Purves, one of a long line of British inventors, if perhaps not the most successful.

In the 1930s, Cosmetics titan Max Factor was the mastermind behind the Beauty Calibrator. This torturous-looking device was supposedly painless but had one supposedly ingenious use. According to Max Factor's 'Our Heritage' page, the mechanism had the power to grant the wearer the "perfect face."

It's safe because it's pink! Actually, of all the chamber-style beauty contraptions, the Vibrosaun was harmless. Inside the machine, heat and vibrations simulated exercise. While it moved those muscles, cold air was blasted into your totally relaxed face.

What's a twisted neck or two on the journey to sick abs? It's not a good workout unless it's incredibly dangerous, that was the 1930s motto, anyway. Unfortunately, the simplistic device was not without its problems.

A lip stencil we can understand. You place the desired shape over your mouth, apply a little color, and voila! An eyelash stencil on the other hand just leaves us with more questions than beautiful-looking peepers. Firstly — who has lashes long enough to penetrate card and have room to apply mascara?

Everyone knows now that asbestos is a massive health risk, but back in the day, everyone loved the stuff. It was stuffed in our walls, used to prevent heat in kitchen hot pads, and even used on movie sets. People even used it to decorate during the holiday season, as it looked very like snow... can you see where we're going with this?

The future looked bright for Fizzies in the early ’60s. These tablets — which were added to water to make it carbonated and flavored, a concept that continues to be a hit today — were selling well when they first hit the market. But then, things started to go wrong. You see, in order to make the tablets actually taste like cola, root beer, cherry, and its other popular flavors, they were produced using artificial sweeteners.

Gaming has definitely changed a lot over the last 50 years. Rather than playing with PlayStations or Xboxes, kids in the ’70s had to make do with toys such as Clackers. This basically involved smashing plastic balls together, and it was an exciting, albeit loud, good time... until the spheres reportedly exploded. Clackers weren't nearly as innocuous as they seemed.

You know Reddi-Wip? Allow us to introduce Reddi-Bacon. Lots of people love bacon in the morning, but if you’re in a rush it can be a little too arduous to rustle up. But what if we had bacon we could prepare in the toaster? Surely that would be a roaring success, not to mention a huge time-saver?

What’s your favorite flavor of Jell-O? Strawberry? Orange? You can’t go wrong with blackberry, and maybe a left-of-field — but still very good — choice might be lime. These flavors are well and good, not to mention classics. But have you considered… celery?

Certain fashion trends of the ’90s have made a bit of a comeback in recent years, but one thing that probably won’t return are glasses like these. Between 1995 and ’97 Nike was peddling the Magneto line of eyewear, but it never exactly took off. Leaving aside how ridiculous they looked, these things also required wearers to attach a magnet to their heads.

How anyone thought this was a good idea is baffling, but all the same, Creepy Crawlers was marketed to kids during the ’60s. Basically, this gadget allowed children to create plastic toys in the shape of bugs and frogs. The problem? The "Plasti-Goop" used to make these creatures was as insidious as it sounds.

The ’70s were a strange time, and that couldn’t be more evident than when you take a look at sauna pants. These were basically blow-up shorts that would make the wearer’s thighs get so warm that they start sweating profusely. The conceit of Sauna Pants was that you could seemingly lose weight simply by wearing them... "seemingly" being the operative word.

In 1998 Kellogg’s brought out Breakfast Mates, a product the company seemed to imply would be revolutionary. In the end, it wasn’t. It was basically a single package containing cereal, milk, and a spoon made from plastic, which was meant to cut down on the hassle of breakfast time. The issue, though, was that having the milk and spoon in the same package as the cereal didn’t really make any difference at all.

Everyone knows McDonald’s fare isn’t intended to take the place of broccoli, but the company has still repeatedly made a point of promoting its nutritional credentials. One arguably misguided attempt was when the McLean Deluxe Burger was introduced. Ads for this thing claimed it was “91 percent fat-free,” which was all well and good until customers tasted it.

There’s nothing better than a hot cup of Joe to set you right first thing in the morning. But while lots of people enjoy going through the ritual of preparing the beverage, others don’t. So, in 1990, Maxwell House released a product to appeal to that latter group. It was basically pre-brewed coffee contained within a carton, which was ostensibly meant to be convenient.

The Easy-Bake Oven is a charming idea, and plenty of people have fond memories of using one as kids. The problem is, though, that allowing children to play with a toy that can burn their skin is an accident waiting to happen. And plenty of incidents have occurred over the years, with lots of kids getting hurt.

Plenty of Americans love Life Savers’ range of minty and fruity candies, but in 1920 the company brought out an experimental new flavor. It was Malt-O-Milk, which as you can imagine was neither as refreshing nor as zesty as some of the other flavors. It's not often that anyone thinks, "A malt-flavored candy would really hit the spot right now!" and this wasn't the case in the '20s, either.

Home computing has come an awfully long way since the ’90s, but the progress hasn’t always been smooth. Its history is littered with failed products such as Microsoft Bob. This was an operating system interface that presented itself as a home. But if you thought it was anything like today's Google Home devices, then you put too much faith in ol' Bob.

In 1979 Clairol introduced a new product to the market: Touch of Yogurt shampoo. No, not to eat — to wash your hair with. It seems consumers weren’t quite ready for this innovation. In fact, lots of people didn’t seem to be quite aware of what it was. And some reports suggested that quite a few people tried to eat the stuff.

How’s this for a board game concept? You and your opponent try to bulldoze as much garbage as you can onto each other’s side of the board... and that’s about it. It may sound like the perfect time-waster for a bored 5-year-old, but the lack of strategy, conflict, or design left more grown-up board game players, well, bored.

Orbitz was a beverage containing colorful balls made from gelatin. It looked like a lava lamp, and judging by this groovy description, it must have felt pretty unsettling to drink. The marketing campaign made it all sound pretty lofty, though, describing it as a “texturally enhanced alternative beverage.” But as it turns out, the last thing people want in their water is texture.

The food industry is always looking to innovate, but sometimes it just goes off the rails in terms of its ideas. Of all the food industries out there, you'd think that baby food manufacturers would be the least likely to experiment. Gerber learned the downsides of experimentation in 1974 when they released a line of products that was basically tantamount to baby food for grown-ups.

Apple products are pretty much synonymous with contemporary life, but the company’s early days were no stranger to dud products. A whole bunch of its products failed to take the world by storm, like, for example, the Apple Lisa. The intent behind the product was clear: to create a mainstream PC that anyone could use. This isn't exactly what happened, however.

Another soft drink with a doomed trajectory was Pepsi A.M., which was aimed at the “breakfast cola drinker." After all, we all know someone who has soda alongside their morning coffee. Well, this drink was supposed to combine the two beverages. The beverage was absolutely loaded with caffeine, offering an alternative to drinking coffee first thing in the morning.

Marketed as the “car of the future,” the Ford Edsel ultimately proved to be anything but. It definitely looks like a car from the past, these days! Within two years, the vehicle had failed spectacularly, with Ford losing millions of dollars in the debacle.

Execs at Persil thought they’d stumbled onto a winner in the mid-’90s. The company introduced Persil Power, a detergent containing a special, patented formula for removing stains called Accelerator. And at first, Accelerator worked... but it worked a little too well.

It’s fair to say kids love blowing bubbles. It’s a simple joy that doesn’t really age. However, the company Wham-O started messing with the idea with the introduction of its Super Elastic Bubble Plastic product. This basically amounted to a tube containing a gloop that kids could use to blow up bubbles. These bubbles were thicker and tougher than regular bubbles, which made them even more fun for kids.

Glass blowing is a highly specialized craft that takes years to perfect. And if you don’t know what you’re doing, then it can actually be really dangerous. With that in mind, you’d think the last thing you’d want to do is let untrained children try their hands at it. But during the ’50s, Gilbert Toys brought out a blowing set for kids.

Back in the ’40s, DDT was used for a variety of purposes. Perhaps at the top of the list was its usage as a pesticide to keep people’s homes free from nasty insects. It sounds all well and good... until the truth about DDT was uncovered. In reality, the chemical compound is extremely dangerous and can lead to a whole host of health issues for people exposed to it.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. A simple maxim, but one Coca-Cola — and Pepsi, and many other soda brands with a penchant for experimentation — would have done well to remember over the years. In 1985 Coca-Cola introduced New Coke, which was an alteration of its normal recipe.

Jarts (or Lawn Darts) were basically big, weighted darts that players could throw in their backyard. What could go wrong? Well, quite a lot, it turned out. As consumers soon discovered, allowing children to toss a bunch of heavy spikes in their air can actually lead to some serious injuries. Who possibly could have predicted that?

Wow! Chips were introduced by Frito-Lay back in 1998, and honestly, things went well at first. The product was made from Olestra, which was an alternative ingredient to the fats you’d normally find in chips. Sounds like a ground-breaking product, right? Well, not exactly. Consumers initially liked Wow!, but soon the problems with Olestra became evident.

Colgate is synonymous with toothpaste, which means trying to apply the brand to something else was always going to be a problem. That’s probably why the company’s Kitchen Entrees range failed so spectacularly. We have a feeling that Colgate's whole motivation behind the products — to sell more toothpaste, maybe? — also turned people off.

Another misguided water product came from Coors back in 1990. The beer company introduced Coors Rocky Mountain Spring Water, but it didn’t sell well. Gee, we wonder why! Consumers obviously associate the Coors name with beer, so they were never particularly likely to get their bottled water from the company.

The Betsy Wetsy doll of the mid-1930s looked like it came right out of somebody’s nightmares. The creepy toy was terrifying in appearance, plus its functions were pretty weird. Basically, it could drink, cry, and pee itself. Other dolls do those things, but given how strange this one looked, it all had quite a sinister feel.