The Queen Broke A Royal Christmas Tradition For Meghan

When Prince Harry announced his engagement to Meghan Markle, people were delighted — and curious. Not only was she American and an actress, but she was also a divorcee. These two things made her stand out from other royal brides. Now fully settled into married life in the U.S., Harry and Meghan have shown that there's no tradition they won't break if it comes between them... including traditions established by the Queen herself. We'll never know for sure how Queen Elizabeth really felt about Meghan Markle, but we do know one thing: the first Christmas after Harry and Meghan's wedding, the Queen made a surprising announcement about the tradition-breaking woman in Harry’s life.

The divorce problem

You see, the British royal family is famously anti-divorce. The monarch is also the head of the Church of England, which strongly disapproves of broken marriages. The abdication crisis of 1936, where the Queen’s uncle King Edward gave up the throne, was partly brought about because of the divorce problem. Edward opted to marry the twice-divorced Wallis Simpson rather than remain king. Now that’s love.

The Queen’s position

Since then, many royals have gotten divorced from their spouses. Harry’s parents, Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana, are a prime example. But even then, the Queen’s official position is “no divorce.” The biggest exception to this rule came about in 2005 when Charles married Camilla Parker Bowles, herself a divorcee. The Queen, however, was not present at the civil ceremony.

Making an exception

And the Queen could have chosen not to attend Harry and Meghan’s wedding, either. In the post-engagement interview with the BBC, Meghan revealed that she had met the Queen and described her as “an incredible woman.” But even though the relationship had started well, if the Queen had decided that the wedding was incompatible with the Church of England’s teachings, she could have stayed home.

Meghan’s a pioneer

Meghan is also the first Black woman to marry a British prince since at least the 18th century. When this subject was addressed in the BBC interview, she answered that although she found the racism she had already faced “disheartening,” she would always be proud of who she was.

Times were changing

After the news broke, The Washington Post wrote, “The royal family welcomes a divorced, biracial American. That’s a huge change.” And there was no doubt it was. Thankfully, many people welcomed what seemed to be an indication of a more modern and inclusive royal family. Even Meghan’s choice of clothes for her first official photoshoot seemed to symbolize that the times were changing.

Flaunting the dress code

For the official engagement photography session at Kensington Palace, Meghan had bare legs – previously a big no-no. In fact, it’s said that the royals have a dress code that strongly encourages tights to be worn. Fashion is a big part of how the family presents itself to the world, after all.

Bending the rules

So Meghan’s very first appearance as an engaged woman showed her as someone unlikely to be beholden to stuffy old rules. And when Christmas arrived, she bent another one. Or rather, the Queen considered bending it for her. It was a royal tradition that even Kate Middleton, as popular with the royals and the public as she was, wasn't allowed to break when she was engaged to Prince William.

Meghan’s first Christmas

There's a firm tradition among the royals that all married couples will join the Queen at her Norfolk estate at Christmas — emphasis on married couples. An engagement ring can only get you so far, as Kate herself found out in 2010! At that time, Kate was not invited to the Christmas celebration even though she was engaged to Prince William. Likewise, Mike Tindall never got to accompany Zara Phillips until they had officially tied the knot.

“No ring, no bring”

Considering the complexities of royal protocol, breaking this tradition would've been a fairly big deal. After all, eyebrows were raised when Meghan showed her bare knees, for Pete's sake! Notably, Meghan didn’t get an invite to Pippa Middleton’s wedding in April 2017, even though Harry did. The unofficial rule among the family, one etiquette expert told People, is “No ring, no bring.” As with most things for the royals, it’s all very different from what regular people do.

Meghan was still invited

But, of course, Meghan did have a ring, albeit just an engagement one. It wasn't enough for Kate to secure an invite to the Christmas celebration, but rumors swirled that Meghan wouldn't have the same fate. Royal expert Richard Fitzwilliams talked to the Daily Express about the Christmas arrangements in December 2017, and what he divulged definitely took people — and some of the other royals, no doubt — by surprise.

Royal Christmas

“In 2010 Kate was not invited to [Christmas] after her engagement to William,” Fitzwilliams began. “Only spouses and close family are usually invited.” The royal Christmas celebration – which takes place at Sandringham House – is more of a formal affair than an actual family get-together, and it includes a church service on Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas, Meghan!

Then, Fitzwilliams dropped the bomb. “It is expected Meghan will join Harry and the rest of the Royal Family for Christmas on the Queen’s estate in Norfolk this year,” Fitzwilliams revealed. As any longtime royal watchers could tell you, this was a highly unusual turn of events for the tradition-obsessed royals. If Kate couldn't even get around the rule, then how did Meghan?!

Didn’t want her to be alone

The royal expert went on to explain the change in plans. “Harry and Meghan will be living together at Nottingham Cottage at Kensington Palace, and her family are in the United States. The monarchy relies heavily on precedent and tradition, but it also makes its own.” In other words, the royals apparently didn't want Meghan to be alone on Christmas. Still, there was no guarantee that Meghan would be welcomed back...

Christmas timetables

You see, Christmas among the royals is notoriously complex, and it would have been especially so for Meghan who had very little "royal training," so to speak. Everyone arrives at the estate in order of rank: Charles and Camilla apparently are supposed to show up last. Then, reportedly, the guests are given timetables to let them know where they need to be and when.

Rank is important

Even among family members, rank is important. That sounds bizarre to most of us, but for the royal family, it’s always been part of their reality. As Meghan was not technically a royal yet, she would have been outranked by most of the people she was spending Christmas with. Luckily, though, she only had to curtsy to the Queen.

A very grand occasion

Christmas with Her Majesty is a very grand occasion, and Meghan would have brought plenty of outfits and accessories with her when she traveled. She would have needed evening gowns and jewels beyond even what an actress wears on a red carpet. In fact, at dinner, when most of us like to be in our stretchiest pants, Meghan would have been wearing a dress and most likely a tiara. That doesn't sound very comfortable to us!

A hat is needed

She also had to be fashion-conscious for the Christmas Day church service. Photographers were out in force, as all the royal family members – apart from the Queen – walk to church instead of being driven. It’s customary for women to wear a hat on this little jaunt, and in this instance, Meghan did conform. Well, sort of. The fashion world appeared to be divided over what the accessory actually was. In the end, ELLE.com decided that Meghan had worn a “fascinator-ish hat.”

The “Meghan effect”

No matter what Meghan wore over Christmas, one thing was certain: people wanted to buy it. Just like the “Kate effect,” where anything Kate wore was quickly snapped up by the general public, a “Meghan effect” began. For her official engagement photos, Meghan wore a Line the Label coat, and so many people went to the company’s website that it crashed.

Keeping everyone happy

The Queen has to walk a very fine line between maintaining royal protocols and keeping everybody, including her own family, happy. And despite everything that has changed for Harry and Meghan since Christmas 2017, it must still be nice to know that the reigning monarch bent the rules especially for you. After all, if you marry into the royal family, history suggests that you should at least try to maintain a cordial relationship with the monarch.

The royal wives

You won’t get your head chopped off for poor behavior anymore, but one of the Queen's famous frowns is reportedly almost as bad. Kate and Meghan will never reveal the most intimate details of their respective relationships with the monarch, but people can put the pieces together. And it seems the head of state has very different bonds with the two women.

The Queen’s stamp of approval

The Queen is pretty involved in the relationships of her children and grandchildren. In fact, her closest descendants need her literal permission to get married. Ever since 1772, British law decreed that the monarch must approve all royal marriages. This was amended in 2013 to cover only the first six people in line for the throne.

Charles knows well

So if you’re one of the six people in line for the throne, you’d better cross your fingers that the Queen likes your intended spouse. Just ask Charles, who is of course the direct heir. He’s had two marriages, the first an ill-fated one with Lady Diana. Then, after her death, he wed the woman with whom he’d had a decades-long affair: Camilla.

That “wicked woman”

It was rumored the Queen disliked Camilla at first and was not particularly willing to bless the relationship between her and Charles. According to the 2018 Tom Bower book Rebel Prince: The Power, Passion, and Defiance of Prince Charles, the Queen even called Camilla a “wicked woman” in private, having had a few drinks first.

Her Majesty’s blessing

The Queen actually didn’t attend the first part of her son’s wedding to Camilla. Her position as head of the Church of England made things difficult, as the faith generally disapproves of divorce. But she did attend the blessing ceremony afterward, indicating that yes, she was ultimately okay with the marriage.

Princess Anne’s husbands

Camilla isn’t the only person in the royal family to be a second spouse. Princess Anne has been married twice just like her brother: first to Captain Mark Phillips and then to Sir Timothy Laurence. It seems the Queen does approve of Laurence, though, as in 2011 she made him a Knight Commander of the Royal Victorian Order.

Her “annus horribilis”

And the Queen’s second son Prince Andrew is also divorced, having very publicly split from his wife Sarah Ferguson in 1992. The Queen hated that three of her four children ended up divorcees. In fact, she famously dubbed those 12 months her annus horribilis. In November of that year, she gave a speech saying, with classic understatement, that it was “not a year on which [she] shall look back with undiluted pleasure.”

The Queen’s favorite?

Only one of the Queen’s children has never been divorced: her youngest son, Prince Edward. His wife since 1999 is Sophie, Countess of Wessex, and reportedly she was the Queen’s favorite daughter-in-law. The two appeared to share a very close bond, and Sophie was apparently trusted with many important royal duties.

Be more like Sophie

So it seems the best advice for Kate and Meghan has always simply been this: try and be more like Countess Sophie. And apparently, that’s exactly what Kate is doing. According to royal insiders, the Duchess of Cambridge has engaged Sophie as a mentor and a supporter for her projects.

Kate and the Queen

Though Sophie was probably still the favorite among her generation of commoners-turned-royals, Kate was reportedly also very close to the Queen. The monarch first met her back in 2008, at the wedding of William’s cousin Peter Phillips to Autumn Kelly. William himself observed that the pair liked each other instantly.

Trusty and well-beloved

After William announced his intention to marry Kate, the Queen had to give her formal consent, and she seemed happy to do so. The notice she signed gave a blessing to the union of “Our Most Dearly Beloved Grandson Prince William Arthur Philip Louis of Wales, K.G. and Our Trusty and Well-beloved Catherine Elizabeth Middleton.”

Relaxed and friendly together

And after the marriage, Kate seemed to settle into her new role very well. Throughout 2012 she made several appearances with the Queen, and she never put a foot wrong. In the photographs taken of the two women, they seem to be relaxed and friendly – just as you’d expect of a grandmother and granddaughter-in-law.

Delighted about her great-grandchildren

Of course, Kate ended up having children of her own with William. This made the Queen a great-grandmother, and every time a new Cambridge child came along the Palace released a statement from the monarch. On each occasion, the Queen was said to be “delighted.”

Royal hand-me-downs

As the granddaughter-in-law of the Queen, Kate got to enjoy an envious privilege: she was allowed to wear jewelry from the monarch’s private collection, so long as the Queen permitted it. The duchess has been spotted wearing many extraordinary pieces that have been in the possession of the royal family for generations.

A gorgeous tiara

The Queen even lent Kate the gorgeous tiara she wore for her wedding to William. The piece is called the Cartier Halo, and it was given to the Queen as an 18th birthday present from her parents. So it being handed over to Kate, even if just for a day, was a big deal.

The best jewelry

And that’s far from the only piece that the Queen allowed Kate to wear. The Duchess of Cambridge also wore the monarch’s Bahrain earrings – a gift from the ruler of that country. She also sported a fern-shaped brooch the head of state was gifted in 1953, as well as the Cambridge Lover’s Knot tiara, which was also a favorite of Princess Diana.

What do you give the Queen?

Kate’s not in a position to present gifts as grand as that just yet. But during the 2016 British TV documentary Our Queen at 90, she revealed that when she was a newcomer to the family she put a lot of work into finding a good first Christmas present for the monarch. Eventually, she decided to give her something homemade.

“I’ll make her something”

The Duchess of Cambridge said on camera, “I thought back to what would I give my own grandparents. And I thought, ‘I’ll make her something.’ Which could have gone horribly wrong. But I decided to make my granny’s recipe of chutney.” And luckily, the Queen seemed to like it very much.

“It just shows her thoughtfulness”

Kate remembered, “I was slightly worried about [the chutney], but I noticed the next day that it was on the table. I think such a simple gesture went such a long way for me, and I’ve noticed since she’s done that on lots of occasions. I think it just shows her thoughtfulness, really, and her care in looking after everybody.”

A special bond

According to royal insiders, the relationship between Kate and her grandmother-in-law only improved over the years. In 2019 a source told Us Weekly magazine, “Kate and the Queen have always had a special bond, but they developed a deeper friendship after she and William moved from Anmer Hall, Norfolk, to Kensington Palace, which is within walking distance of Buckingham Palace.”

Intense training

The anonymous person went on to say, “Sometimes they’ll casually catch up over afternoon tea. But other times, they’ll have more formal meetings, where the Queen will give intense one-on-one training about taking on the crown.” Remember, when William eventually takes the throne after his grandmother and father, Kate will become his queen consort.

Kate is her rock

Apparently, the Queen came to rely on Kate more and more, especially when the royal family went into lockdown during 2020 due to the pandemic. In August another source told Us Weekly, “These are strange times for everyone, senior royals included, and having Kate as her rock has made it so much easier for the Queen to adapt to her new life at Windsor.”

Trusting William and Kate

The source continued, “Her Majesty sees the Cambridges as the future of the monarchy and trusts Kate and William’s judgment implicitly. Kate asks for advice about speeches she’s due to make, whom she can depend on most within the Palace, and protocol dos and don’ts. The Queen’s more than happy to impart her wisdom – she’s proud to be Catherine’s go-to adviser about royal life.”

What about Meghan?

So things were all good between Kate and the Queen. But what about Meghan? Well, the monarch’s relationship with Ms. Markle was always going to be more complicated. Harry’s choice of life partner was American, divorced, and unlike Kate, she would almost certainly never be a queen, as she was marrying a prince too far down the line of succession.

A different notice of consent

People noticed at the time that there was a significant difference between the Queen’s notices of consent for Kate’s marriage and Meghan’s. When giving her formal blessing to William and Kate, the monarch called the future bride “trusty and well-beloved.” But, interestingly, she didn’t say the same things about Meghan.

The reason why

Still, it seemed there may have been a reason for this. Royal journalist Emily Nash said on Twitter, “For anyone wondering why Meghan is not described as ‘most trusty and well-beloved’ like Kate was, it’s because that term is only used for citizens of Britain or the Queen’s overseas realms. Meghan is not yet a British citizen.”

The corgis like her

And by all accounts, Meghan didn’t see this as a snub – she seemed to get on very well with the Queen. In her and Harry’s 2017 post-engagement TV interview with the BBC, Meghan described the Queen as “an incredible woman,” and Harry pointed out that the monarch’s all-important corgis had taken to Meghan too.

Dogsitting

In fact, the Queen and Meghan seemed to bond over a shared love of dogs. Just before the wedding of Meghan to Harry, the Queen was spotted in a car heading to Windsor alongside Meghan’s dog, a beagle named Guy. And you don’t agree to dogsit for somebody you don’t like, right?

First solo outing

After the wedding, Meghan’s first solo outing with the Queen went well, too. The new Duchess of Sussex traveled with her grandmother-in-law on the royal train – they would have slept overnight on it – in order to attend events in Chester. In every photograph of them, they seemed to be enjoying spending time together.

They bonded quickly

In 2018 a source claimed to Us Weekly that Meghan and the monarch had bonded quickly. The person said, “[The Queen] has a brilliant sense of humor. That’s one of the first things that brought her and Meghan closer. It’s that warm side of her that has made Meghan feel so at ease.”

A happy arrival

And when Meghan gave birth to her and Harry’s son Archie in 2019, the Queen released a statement exactly the same as the one she had released for the births of Kate’s children. Once more, she was simply said to be “delighted with the news.” She almost certainly must have congratulated Meghan in private, but the wider world will never hear about it.

The tide turns

Unfortunately, the tide turned not long after Archie's birth. In January 2020 Harry and Meghan announced via Instagram that they planned to step down as working royals and become financially independent. Needless to say, this led to an absolute storm – both in the media and reportedly in the Palace as well.

Furious Queen?

At first, the Queen made no public statement, so newspapers had to rely on insiders to find out what was going on. After the news hit, the Daily Mail newspaper ran the headline, “Queen’s fury as Meghan and Harry say: we quit.” The Daily Telegraph also claimed that the whole royal family was “deeply disappointed.”

Carefully planning the future

Yet when the Queen did release a statement on the matter – a rare thing for her to do under any circumstances – it didn’t sound furious. She had been in negotiations with Harry and Meghan about which steps to take. Her statement began, “Today my family had very constructive discussions on the future of my grandson and his family.”

Still supportive

The Queen’s statement went on, “My family and I are entirely supportive of Harry and Meghan’s desire to create a new life as a young family. Although we would have preferred them to remain full-time working members of the royal family, we respect and understand their wish to live a more independent life... while remaining a valued part of my family.”

No quarrel with Meghan

A few days later the Queen released another statement, and this one indicated she had no quarrel with Meghan at all. The monarch said she was “particularly proud” of her granddaughter-in-law and the way she had “so quickly become one of the family.” She wished both Meghan and Harry “a happy and peaceful new life.”

The last royal duty

In March 2020 Harry and Meghan took part in their last official royal duty, attending the Commonwealth Day service at Westminster Abbey. The Queen was there, as were the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. But once the day was done, Harry and Meghan returned not to a royal estate but to Canada, where their son was.

Keeping in touch

For a while, the family still seemed to be a part of each other’s lives. In April 2020 the Queen celebrated her 94th birthday, and she received a video call from Harry, Meghan, and almost-one-year-old baby Archie. The Sussex family had called in from California, where they had established a new home.

Not a good move

But reportedly the Queen was distressed when Harry and Meghan signed a deal with entertainment giant Netflix later in the same year. An anonymous source told The Sun newspaper that Harry “did not inform” his grandmother of this, but “the Queen will know there would have been little chance of talking Harry and Meghan out of it.” Meghan is becoming more involved in American politics as well.

Breaking another rule

Royals aren’t supposed to throw their hats into the political ring, but since Meghan has stepped down, some believe the Queen wouldn’t have minded if Meghan had decided to speak up more on political issues. Looking back on Kate and Meghan's relationships with the Queen, it's safe to say that both had their ups and downs. But when both royals attended the Queen's funeral in 2022, they did so with grace and honor — the way the Queen would've wanted.