20 Bizarre Medieval Beauty Practices That Prove Just How Dark The Middle Ages Really Were

Would you coat yourself in pig’s fat to look your best? Or how about swap shampoo for onion juice? If you thought modern society’s beauty standards pushed people to extreme lengths, think again. The Middle Ages took things to a whole new level. Prepare yourself, because some of these Medieval self-care trends are downright disgusting.

Painful hair pinning

Medieval women were apparently encouraged to have plain and empty faces. And they had one very strange method for achieving this look. Basically, ladies in the Middle Ages would pin their hair back as far as it could go. But if that didn’t do the trick, there was an even more painful alternative...

Forehead plucking

Sometimes, simply pinning back one’s hair didn’t create the desired effect. If a woman didn’t have a naturally large forehead, then some more drastic measures might have been taken. She’d attack her own forehead with some tweezers to pluck out any hairs that sprouted out of line. Ouch!

Bye-bye eyebrows

A plucked forehead might make the face seem bigger, but why stop there? In the 15th century, women were known to actually remove their eyebrows. Yikes! Apparently, they believed — or society led them to believe — that an eyebrow-free face gave off an air of purity.

Ratty brows

But if a woman regretted her decision to remove her eyebrows, she needn’t worry. Instead of having to wait for them to grow back, she could simply apply a pair of false brows. All she needed to do was get hold of some mouse or rat fur and stick it to her face. Simple!

Hair care potions

Nowadays, the internet is crammed with websites dedicated to beauty regimens of every kind imaginable. But in the Middle Ages, advice was decidedly more limited. There was, however, a collection of texts known as the Trotula. Think of it as a medieval How-To guide – with tips and tricks for achieving things like nice-smelling breath and luscious locks of hair. And one section featured a particularly strange concoction.

A bizarre remedy

You’d need to burn up some vines before combining the resulting ash with barley chaff, licorice, and sowbread. By boiling some of the ingredients in water, you’d end up with a sort of cleanser, which would then be used to wash your hair. The result, the text claimed, would be hair that was “golden and shimmering.”

Homemade hair dye

Like today, some people in the Middle Ages probably liked to switch up their hair color. But unfortunately for them, they didn’t have the luxury of being able to run down to the local salon. All was not lost, though, there were remedies that they use at home. And some involved some pretty out-there ingredients.

Nutty hairdos

If a medieval woman wanted to make her hair darker, all you had to do was combine some nuts and roots and make them into a paste. Chestnuts and walnuts are said to have been particularly common choices. Et voila! Darker hair — and a pleasantly nutty aroma.

Steer clear of the tan

It’s unlikely that you would’ve ever come across somebody wearing fake tan back in the Middle Ages. Having pale, clear skin, after all, was apparently considered to be the height of beauty at the time. But some people took this particular trend to the extreme...

Blue arms?

Skin, of course, can only get so pale before it just looks downright see-through. And, well, that seems to have been precisely the look that certain medieval ladies strived for. So much so, in fact, that they’d actually powder their arms white before sketching out “veins” in blue ink. Astonishing, but true.

Blonde bombshells

Given that angels were often portrayed with blonde locks in art, it was a pretty sought-after hair color in medieval times. So ladies were known to try all kinds of tricks to keep their hair golden. One method, for instance, involved applying a mixture of alum, black sulfur, and honey to the head before resting in the sunlight.

Just like magic

While some home remedies were totally natural, others were definitely more on the supernatural side. One particularly intriguing example of magical thinking saw ladies of the era deciding to wear necklaces made with opal. The power of the gemstone, it was thought, would ensure a lovely head of light, blonde hair.

No more flakes

Who knew that people in the Middle Ages were just as concerned with dandruff as they are today? And they used a range of intriguing treatments for it, including a plant called cleavers. Another option was to juice some beets and mix the liquid with vinegar and water. But recently archaeologists discovered another medieval dandruff remedy.

Healing tea

Apparently, drinking a tea made from fern leaves was thought to treat dandruff. This brew — which was also taken to ease kidney stones and alopecia — is mentioned in centuries-old documents, but physical proof was lacking until recently. In 2018 a human skeleton showing signs of this medicine was found in the Balearic Islands.

Oniony hair

Nowadays, hair products tend to smell pretty nice. Strawberry, coconut, mint — the options are endless. But one smell you probably wouldn’t want near your hair? Onion. Back in the Middle Ages, though, people swore by onion juice for keeping their hair healthy. They’d lather it on and then go sit in the sunlight. But it was meant to have another benefit too.

An unexpected ingredient

It turns out onion was also a popular choice for people looking for blonde hair. They’d take the skin off the vegetable and combine it with saffron and a rather unorthodox ingredient: sheep’s pee. We don’t imagine this was the nicest thing to apply to your hair, but if it worked, who are we to judge?

Acne, be gone!

When you look at portraits from centuries gone past, the subjects often appear to have clear, pale skin. Does this mean that acne didn’t exist back then? Is it a contemporary scourge? Well, in short, no. People most certainly suffered with acne in the past. And they had a curious way of dealing with it.

Curdled milk, anyone?

Apparently, medieval people used curdled milk to treat acne. And the Ancient Egyptians did it too! It’s not as crazy as it sounds, either. The lactic acid that results from milk curdling is actually said to be very effective in banishing spots. You’re welcome

Lovely legs

The pinnacle of masculinity in the Middle Ages? Shapely legs, obviously. There was a lot of pressure for men back then to have the best calves around. So much so that they had a sneaky trick to make their legs look fuller: padded stockings! And it would seem that one particularly famous English monarch was a big fan of this trend.

Handsome Henry

A Venetian diplomat called Pasqualigo once wrote about Henry VIII, and it seems he was quite taken by the king’s calves. The text read, “His Majesty is the handsomest potentate I ever set eyes on; above the usual height, with an extremely fine calf to his leg, his complexion very fair and bright, with auburn hair combed straight and short, in the French fashion.”

Egg on your face

According to the medieval Trotula medical texts, eggs could help achieve a pale complexion. It advised ladies to soak an egg in some potent vinegar until the shell had significantly softened. Then they were to add white mustard and ginger before grinding it all down and applying it to their face. Simple as that!

Bizarre bathing

And for even better results, a woman could grind up some lily root and add it to the vinegary eggs. She could then apply the mixture to her face and take a bath. When she was finished, she’d wash her face clean and hopefully emerge from the bath with clear, white skin...

Illegal makeup

There was once a time when wearing makeup could lead to a woman being punished by the law. Apparently, it was thought to be an act of deception — and the consequences could be dire. Unsurprisingly, many women in the Middle Ages didn’t dare reach for their makeup brushes.

Berry lipstick

And yet there were some brave ladies who nonetheless decided to add some color to their faces. You see, certain lighter lip shades were associated with the notion of purity and were therefore deemed acceptable within society. So some women would apply lipstick made out of a variety of roots and berries.

Reduce fine lines and wrinkles

Apparently, people in the Middle Ages were just as worried about wrinkles as we are today. But thankfully for those folk in the past, the Trotula offered a solution. All you had to do was track down a particular plant and cover your face in its juices. The plant has a bit of an off-putting name, though...

Stinking iris

Unfortunately dubbed the “stinking iris,” this plant was believed to produce excellent results. The Trotula text read, “And in the morning the skin will be raised, and it will erupt, which rupture we treat with the above-mentioned ointment in which root of lily is employed. And first pulling off the skin, which after the rupture has been washed, it will appear very delicate.”

Hiding those freckles

Blemishes to the skin, including moles, birthmarks, and freckles, were sometimes associated with the devil in the past. And if a woman bore these features, then she ran the risk of being called a witch. Faced with this horrible prospect, it was within a lady’s interest to cover up any marks – and one ingredient was thought to help.

Cucumber, oats, and... blood?

Cucumber juice was said to be able to get rid of freckles, but this wasn’t the only option. A mixture of boiled oats and vinegar was said to do the same thing. Or if you were prepared to get more gruesome, you could use the blood of a hare or a bull. Nice!

Soaping up

When we think back to the Middle Ages, we don’t picture it as the most hygienic of times. But people back then did have their methods of staying clean. They even had soap to apply to their bodies – though it probably wasn’t as sweet-smelling and colorful as the stuff we’re used to today. How so?

Cow fat cleanser

Medieval soap included such delightful ingredients as ashes and the fat of a cow or a sheep. So you can imagine it didn’t smell all that nice. In Spain, however, soap options were much more appealing: they were usually produced with olive oil, rather than the lard of farm animals. And today you might know it as castile soap.

Smell ya later

For wealthy women in the Middle Ages, it was apparently the done thing to keep your hair hidden with the help of a veil. But it was also essential that your hair still smelled good. And there were a ton of fashionable scents available, including nutmeg and cloves.

Booze to banish bad breath

Though hygiene wasn’t up to today’s standards in the Middle Ages, it was still frowned upon to have bad breath. And one way of treating this involved grinding the end of myrtle berries into wine and guzzling it down. This, it was said, would be good for the belly and therefore the breath. Win win!

Keep your hair on!

It sounds like your hair falling out was a pretty big concern back in the medieval era. That is, if the sheer range of hair loss treatments is anything to go by. Many, many different tonics were concocted to help keep people’s hair on their heads. And quite a few of them seemed to involve wine. Sweet!

Pig’s fat shampoo

You could combine wine with aloe vera, white maidenhair fern, or walnuts to make up a tonic for your hair. And if you weren’t the squeamish type, you could use pig fat mixed with the leaves of a plant called hound’s-tongue. The kernels of a peach tree and the burnt ashes of the southernwood were also popular choices.

If looks could kill

Looking your best in the Middle Ages could be a risky task. That’s because many of the components in the makeup department of the era were toxic. Dangerous things like lead, mercury, and different acids could be mixed up in cosmetics. And people could become ill or deformed from applying them.

Beauty is pain

For the unsuspecting ladies who used these poisonous substances, the impact could be devastating. But there were some who knew how dangerous makeup could be and used it to their advantage. Take Aqua Toffana, which was on the market in the mid-17th century. Some ladies who wanted to get rid of their husbands supposedly purchased this and applied it to their own faces. Then, when their spouses kissed their faces, they would be poisoned. Genius!

Grease is the word

Have you ever grilled some pork, seen all the grease it produced, and thought, “Ah, a perfect skin treatment?" Well, some people in the Middle Ages used to take that smelly fat and apply it to their faces as part of a beauty treatment.

Unusual ointment

Yes, medieval people used hog grease in their skin ointments. If it makes things more palatable, you might be relieved to learn that they used to at least mix it with other ingredients. By combining it with some flowers and water, it was at least diluted slightly. But still, it probably didn’t smell good on your skin at all.

Feeling lousy

Having head lice is never pleasant – even if you’re in the Middle Ages. People back then, too, came up with various ways of removing the gross creatures. Just like today, they’d first try to remove them with a comb with very narrow gaps between its teeth. But they had a few other methods that sound less than appealing.

Hog grease and herbs

One method, yet again, made use of hog grease. By combining it with juice extracted from a broomrape plant, you could supposedly banish lice. Or you could try adding parsley and a range of different seeds to your hair. So either killing off lice — or growing a garden on your head — might’ve been the end result.